I"m running into the end of my trip here visiting the man who could be the one true love of my life. If you read my last post you would have learned that I hadn't seen him within the first week I had arrived. He was sick and could not get to see me as he doesn't live in the same city as where I am staying. The first encounter we had almost didn't happen, but selfish little me was upset and was about to have her heart broken about him not coming because of a slight storm. I was very upset, so he changed his mind and he came. I felt horrible for making him feel guilty but he came anyhow.

Our first meeting for me, was quite awkward as I had never felt this deep love for anyone in all my life, not for somebody who loved me back so much, probably even more so. It was awkward because my family was around and it didn't give much opportunity to share perosnal conversation. Then my cousin put the kids to bed and my aunt and uncle went out and we were left all alone. The awkwardness lifted off my shoulders. We spoke freely. Yet, I was still nervous and shy.

When he was about to leave, he asked for a hug and of course I said alright to that. We couldn't let go of each other, we held on tight, then I recieved my very first kiss on the lips, my very first. For the first time I had let a man do that, never before would I have allowed that to happen. I was somewhat astonished that I let it happen and that it had happened so easliy. The action itself made me love him more than ever before. We kept holding each other so tight and I could've stayed in his arms forever. It was as though I was meant to fit into his arms and him in mine, a perfect fit. That was our first meeting.

The second one, I convinced him to take me out to the huge bazaar, with so many tourists. I felt completely comfortable with him, at ease with being close to him physically. We held hands and I felt too much love for him. A lady on the street commented on us, that we looked like a sweet married couple, and we both smiled shyly....one day...that's what he answered back to her. Eventually we headed back to the appartment, where in the elevator things got a little crazy....steamy.....kisses gallore...but I had to stop it cause I really wasn't the type of girl to let a guy take advantage like that. He had touched me in a fashion which I felt unsuitable. We were in an elevator! I was upset because he had tried to do something I wasn't ready for....and he felt aweful for making me feel so bad. He profusely appologized but I didn't accept it.

The next day he appologized again and I asked him to promise never to do something like that again. Maybe some of you may not understand, but physical contact the way he had done to me, was not something I was going to let happen unless we were married. He promised and I said I forgave him.

He came to visit yesterday and I felt awkward and distant. I don't know if he picked up on it at all. He stayed longer than he probably should have and left without a hug or kiss as family was lingering around in the appartment.

Now here I am hoping my head will clear of this confusion in my brain. I know he loves me more than I thought was possible and I still love him like never before. I'm hoping by his last visit tomorrow, things will be settled. This is true love, it is, I know. I'll be damned if I don't let this go cause I refuse to let him slip out of my arms and out of my life.