He still doesn't have internet, though I've received several offline messages thru the course of a month. I've been calling him, so it wasn't too bad. Now he's doing some courses in order to change jobs, a less paying one...I don't know, but it's his life. He's not really a part of mine and I'm not really a part of his. Sad to think of it that way. We're in a relationship, but we're not together. What happens in our lives separately don't affect the other...or does it????? I don't know anymore.

His home phone isn't working and you know he can't call me cause he can't afford it, even calls made from city to city there is expensive, forget long distant. For some time we were talking more and more and our conversations got longer. We were talking sometimes for about 2 hours each time. I would call sometimes, twice a week cause I missed him terribly so. Turns out there's something wrong with his home phone, and I can only call him on his cell. Which is not good for him, so conversations have gone down so much. Not only that but he's so tired these days, when I call he's so sleepy he can't talk, ending our call sooner.

It has been tough to say the least. I feel as though I've been doing too much, even if he's the one sharing all his feelings. I haven't told him how sad I've been about the distance and how much I miss him. There have been several times within the past few weeks I have questioned whether we should end this or not.

Since I have been working a lot and getting more tired, I too have not called him as much or had the energy to do so. Work has been too much, taking my energy and with that, my emotions have teased me ever so much with sadness and doubts about this relationship. I get emotional and tiredness does that to me. I'm hoping I'll be in better perspective once I've rested better.

I just don't want to do anything harsh. I feel that I've put more into this relationship, physically...in the sense that I'm the one who went to his country to visit...I'm the one who makes the calls...maybe I just need some time and take a step back for a bit. I'm a mess and all over the place. I should probably take things in slow strides.